Memorial Day

When I was younger, I looked forward to Memorial Day for many reasons. It was the beginning of summer, it meant a long weekend away from work and usually a road trip of some sort. Of course I knew the real meaning of Memorial Day, but like many people, the loss it signified seemed far away...

For Memorial Day 2007, I went to visit a friend in Santa Barbara, CA. It was a really fun trip. We went to the beach, went to some really fun bars in the city and went to the Long Beach aquarium. 

A few days later I was watching the news with my brother. I started to walk upstairs when they said that a local soldier had been killed in Afghanistan. They said that the soldier's name was Jesse Blamires. As soon as I heard it I was in shock. I ran back down the stairs and fell on the floor in front of the TV. They showed the story and flashed his picture on the screen. It was him. My friend was gone. 

I had known Jesse years before from working at a call center for Sprint. We were on the same team and we got along immediately. I remember him helping me at work, us hanging out on the weekends sometimes and him showing me what he knew of Capoeira. I remember thinking how glad I was to know him because we were so different and I learned so much from him. 

I hadn't spoken to Jesse in years but the knowledge of his death hit me very hard. I knew that he had gotten married a few years before and now had two small children. These beautiful girls would never be able to grow up with their father. They would never know the great person he was. This just hurt me so much.

I went to Jesse's funeral alone. I only knew him. I didn't talk to his family or anyone else that was there. I sat toward the back at the Ward where the service was held. I couldn't stop crying. I had strange thoughts run through my head like, "Why is there a basketball court in the middle of a church?" I felt so weird there by myself, crying and showing all of my emotions so freely. I realized that it didn't matter though. Jesse gave his life in service to our country, I shouldn't feel ashamed to show emotion for that.

Last year I went to Arizona in the spring and went through my old boxes at my parents house. I happened to find a note that Jesse wrote to me. I must have been having a hard time at work because it was a note of encouragement. He told me that I should believe in myself because I was a great person and I just needed to see that for myself. He also told me that he thought I was a great singer. At the very end, he said he would always be my friend. I am still unable to read that note without crying...

Every Memorial Day since 2007, I have remembered Jesse. I know I have a lot of friends and family that have been or are in the military and I am beyond grateful to them for their service. Jesse is the only person I know that has been killed in a war though. 

So, this Memorial Day, take a minute or two and try to personalize what the holiday really means. Every year I will remember my friend and the good times we had. Every time I see a Transformers sticker or an old Acura Integra I think of him and smile. Memorial Day is a time to remember those who gave the ultimate sacrifice and to tell those who are still with us how grateful we are for their service. 

Thank you, Jesse. I'll see you on the other side...

My Advice To You

I keep seeing these posts on Facebook about giving "Things to do in your 20's" or "10 things to stop doing to yourself" and "100 things I will teach my children" and I started to wonder if I had any words of advice. I'm in my early 30's now, so I've lived long enough to make mistakes and have some triumphs. So, here are a few things I've learned:

Don't forget to laugh

Seriously. It is a scientific fact that laughter is essential to life. In my experience, you need to have at least one friend or family member that you can laugh with until you cry. I have several friends that I am able to laugh with about the most random things like the doge meme, Winnie the Pooh or being dead in the sewer. It doesn't matter that most people wouldn't find these things funny, what matters is finding humor in everyday things, no matter how random. It is so easy to get caught up in the seriousness of life, especially once you start doing grown up things like going to college, having children or having a full time job. If you're not careful, these things can rob you of your laughter and that robs you of your joy. Laugh until you cry. I swear you'll sleep better at night for it.

Travel alone at least once in your life

For most people, this is a terrifying thought. I'm not saying that you have to take a long trip to a foreign country alone and enjoy every second of it. Do something simple like go to a movie alone and then move up from there. Go on a day trip by yourself and see what happens. You'd be amazed at how different a trip can be when you're alone. I've driven across the country by myself twice, gone on day trips alone and traveled for work alone a few times. These trips are so different for the simple fact that I notice things I wouldn't have if someone had been with me. I meet new friends EVERY TIME I GO SOMEWHERE ALONE. No joke, every time I've gone on a trip or even gone to a concert alone, I have left with a good story. I highly recommend this one.

Once you get used to traveling alone you may be ready to....

Get your own place

I understand that this may not be a possibility for a lot of people. Either you got married young or had children young so they're going to be living with you. If you have the opportunity to do so, I definitely recommend getting your own place, even if it's just for a year. It's amazing how awesome it is to have your own space that you get to occupy by yourself. When I lived in my own apartment in Providence, I loved it. My apartment was really cute and I knew that the mess was mine alone. It is such a great feeling!

Try to achieve huge goals, even if it doesn't work out

This one is hard, because it always hurts to feel like you've failed at something. It's all in how you look at it though. When I left Utah, I moved to Rhode Island. It was literally the farthest I could go from Utah and I did it because I wanted to be a Marine Biologist. I ended up going to the University of Rhode Island for a year and majored in Marine Biology. Did I finish? Am I a Marine Biologist now? No. But that doesn't mean I failed either. I learned so much that year and had amazing experiences I never thought I would. I gave it a shot and that's more than a lot of people can say. At least I will never wonder what would happen if I tried...

Don't be afraid to look different

If you want a tattoo, get a tattoo! If you've always wanted to have crazy hair, DO IT! The best I ever looked (in my mind) was the summer that I had my nose pierced, purple highlights in my hair and got a tattoo on my wrist. If you're avoiding things like this just because of where you MAY work one day, stop. I'm not saying to go get a tattoo on your face but you can get a tattoo and hide it if you need to. I've had my wrist tattoo since 2009 and most people never notice I even have it. I wear long sleeves or a bracelet that hides it at work but the rest of the time I show it. I love it. I don't care if no one else in the world likes it, I got it for a reason and I haven't regretted it once. Don't be afraid to be your authentic self.

It's ok to go back to school later in life, or not at all

When I left college after one semester when I was 18, I felt really guilty. I was scared that I was letting my parents down and that I was a failure in life. Guess what? School isn't for everyone! I needed a break after high school. I didn't go back to school for seven years but I DID go back. I always knew I eventually wanted to. Not everyone needs to go to college though and that's ok. Don't let anyone tell you it has to look a certain way. Do whatever works for you. I'm about to apply for Law School in my early 30's. Maybe I will get in and go back to school for another four years. Maybe I won't. Either way, it will be good and things will work out. School isn't everything.

Finally,

Most of your life you won't even remember, so don't dwell on what went wrong

Seriously, think about the last year of your life or even the last month. How much of that time do you remember vividly? Sure, there was probably a fun vacation or you graduated college or maybe you had a baby. Those are all big things and you will remember a lot of details about those times, but how much do you remember about every day? Most of the time we get into a routine and eventually, most days seem the same, with no significant differences, for years at a time. It's nice to feel settled and get into a routine where you're content and life isn't crazy. Don't let the mistakes and bad things that happen take over your memories though, or this is all you will remember in your life. I have been blessed with a pretty detailed memory in general. I remember birthdays (without Facebook reminding me) and details about events that most people forget rather quickly. I try to relive those memories as much as possible so that I will always have those amazing memories. It's not that I want to forget the mistakes, it's that I want to learn from them and move on.

So that's my advice! Take it or leave it. I just hope I was able to make you think. :)